CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
