U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
