LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
