he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
