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No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
