Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
