Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize