I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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