i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
