vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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