i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
