Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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