im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize