So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
