FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
