my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
