I puked a lego.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
