peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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