What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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