you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
