She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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