He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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