Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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