It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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