I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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