If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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