my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
