ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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