Can i not drive my cunt home
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
