You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
