He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
