next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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