My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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