just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Couch. On fire.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
