Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
