is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
