sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
