she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
