Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it's like iHOP with fire
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize