After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
