Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
