Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
