ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
