drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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