Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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