States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
