3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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