i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
