A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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