Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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