and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
