Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
