Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
