I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have fence marks all over my body
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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