Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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