why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this boner is exhausting
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize