Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
