Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's blow job season.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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