I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
