We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just saw a hot homeless man
i think my mom watched the whole time
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize