Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
