I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
