I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize