We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
