I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize