oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
