You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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