I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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