We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
