Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
