Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
