i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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