my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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