It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
