I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
