So drunk its hurt
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
