So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
