So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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