i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
