i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
