Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
