how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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