I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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