Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My penis needs a shock collar
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
