New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize