this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
