we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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