I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
