and you said cock pushups were impossible
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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