i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize