he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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