Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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