I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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