hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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