Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You were trust falling into bushes
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
