we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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