I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
