No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
