apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
