Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I am midnight drunk by noon
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
