So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
