the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
