I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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